December 31 2008

I KNOW WHAT IT IS!!! It is not fear that I am feeling, it is sadness!! Not that that is a good thing but at least I know what it is. A sadness of leaving certain people behind, namely my sister! It is a sadness that I have been able to push aside for this long and when I have gone away before know that it will not be long before I get back so do not need to feel sad about missing her. I was thinking about her last night and how much closer we have become in the last year or so and that is when it hit me like a ton of bricks, how much I will miss her!! I cried so hard that I thought I was going to be sick....I do not know what to do with this as I am not used to getting this feeling. It doesn't make it any easier but I know that I will be praying my guts out for her while I am gone. I just want so much more for her, and well....that's all I have to say on that =)

So 13 more days and I will be gone! I am excited to be there to experience new things to learn all that God has for me, to meet new people and the weather helps too =Þ The temperature in Nicaragua right now is 32C ahhhhhh can't wait!

December 29 2008

The time is getting so close for me to be going to Nicaragua....and the fear is now starting to creep in. As much as I am excited to be going to an AMAZING country, I am having a bit of second thoughts and may not be as strong as some people think I am. My first instinct is to call up YWAM and back out, but know in my heart, soul and ENTIRE BEING that that is not what God has planned for me. James 4 17 says: Remember, it is a sin to know what you ought to do and then not do it. I was up really early this morning after dreaming all night about things that have to do with preparing or doing before I leave. I got up and went downstairs and watched Kung Fu Panda. I am feeling a bit like Po right now, he just wants to be someone great and aspires to get there by dreaming and imagining himself as a Kung Fu master, but he is just a tubby little panda with a soft heart and a father who wants him to run a family noodle shop that has been passed down through generations. He is then chosen as one who will change the city and all of china. I am feeling like I know that God has big plans for me and I aspire to be like Him and others who have gone out before, but I feel like a tubby little panda who knows nothing and just has a hard time fitting the profile, of being someone great in the eyes of God. I am not really afraid of the unknown, I think it is more the fear of failing, not people as much as God. Well I think that is all to be said for now, until next time.

December 18 2008

Oh my goodness I can not believe that it has been so long since I have written here last. I have been wanting to but am really good at procrastinating!! =) I am starting to get a little afraid of going to Nicaragua. I am not sure at all what the fear is. I have been to Nicaragua before so I am not afraid of being there, I LOVE the people and am not afraid of them,....maybe a little of what is unknown, though I thrive on spontonaity and I like change, and NEED it most of the time. I may just be working myself up over nothing too but just can not shake the feeling. I know this one is short but I must go out for a bit today....hopefully my next blog I won't wait as long in between! hehe

So please be praying for me as I finish well here before I leave...thanks!

November 28

I just got this in an email from our womens pastor at church and decided to post it because I think that I will have to be looking back on this a few times when I am in Nicaragua...I am SURE some if not all of the 'You say' will come up, and I will need a reminder of what God says!!

You say: 'It's impossible' ... God says: All things are possible! (Luke 18:27)

You say: 'I'm too tired' ... God says: I will give you rest! (Matthew 11:28-30)

You say: 'Nobody really loves me'... God says: I love you! (John 3:16 & John 3:34 )

You say: 'I can't go on'... God says: My grace is sufficient! (II Corinthians 12:9 & Psalm 91:15)

You say: 'I can't figure things out'... God says: I will direct your steps! (Proverbs 3:5- 6)

You say: 'I can't do it'... God says: You can do all things! (Philippians 4:13)

You say: 'I'm not able'... God says: I am able! (II Corinthians 9:8)

You say: 'It's not worth it'... God says: It will be worth it! (Roman 8:28 )

You say: 'I can't forgive myself'... God says: I forgive you! (I John 1:9 & Romans 8:1)

You say: 'I can't manage'... God says: I will supply all your needs! (Philippians 4:19)

You say: 'I'm afraid'... God says: I have not given you a spirit of fear! (II Timothy 1:7)

You say: 'I'm always worried and frustrated'... God says: Cast all your cares on ME! (I Peter 5:7)

You say: 'I'm not smart enough'... God says: I give you wisdom! (I Corinthians 1:30)

You say: 'I feel all alone'... God says: I will never leave you nor forsake you! (Hebrews 13:5)

NOVEMBER 27

Okay so here is ONE of my favorite songs if you have never heard. try to find it I am sure you'll like it. It is by FFH and is just a bit of my heart that they have put into words for me. There is another song that I would like to put up here as well but I do not know who sings it nor do I know the lyrics so when I find out I will post it on here. There are so many songs that put lyrics to music that really speak to my heart, maybe one day I will be able to write a song!! Even though I do not play any instrument =) Well anyways enjoy

I'm gonna miss the simple town full of memories I'm gonna miss just hanging out with all my friends

The rainy days and summer nights Skipping stones by the river side But I know, it's time to go So...

(chorus)

Here's goodbye here's so long

I must go and follow love

I feel my heart moving onI must go and follow love

Carry on while I'm gone

This is what I've been dreaming of

I miss you so

But I must go, go and follow love

I've got a heart that's full of dreams and a little bit of crazy I can feel it pulling me to somewhere I have never been I'm packing up and leaving home To travel into the great unknown Its time, I have to go

(chorus)

We're not guaranteed tomorrow So we must just keep on living for the day And make the most of every moment Every step along the way, oh

(chorus)

NOVEMBER 22

Jeremiah 29:11

For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

Isaiah 58:11,12

and if you spend yourselves in behalf of the hungry and satisfy the needs of the oppressed, then your light will rise in the darkness, and your night will become like the noonday.
The LORD will guide you always; he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land and will strengthen your frame. You will be like a well-watered garden, like a spring whose waters never fail.

NOVEMBER 10 2008

Last night I just booked mt flight to Nicaragua!! I fly out of Toronto, on the 16th and I will be there for 4 days visiting a friend and then I start on the 21st. I am so VERY excited!!! (If you can imagine me getting excited about anything!!) We had an AMAZING service in church yesterday too. We had a missionary who lives in a 'Creative Access Nation' which means they can not go under on a Missionary visa, they have to have a trade. This person is a teacher. They have been in that country for 8 years! All I have to say is WOW!! The culture that she is in follow a VERY dark and demonic religion, and she was showing us some pictures of shrines and things, it was horrible! I am not sure that I could go into something like that, FIRST of all because to not be able to get together with other christians and second to be in such a dark place might effect me a lot!! If God called me there I would HAVE to know that people where with me either with me physically or praying for me.

NOVEMBER 7 2008

God has given us a call....to go into ALL the world and bring them to Him. This doesn't mean that EVERYONE has to go to deepest darkest Africa or to the slums of India. It could be as simple as helping down at your closest soup kitchen or start a kids club for inner city kids. In the end we are to look after those who are stuck in a constant rut, especially those who are orphaned or widowed. I know in my heart and have known since I was about 12 that I wanted to be a missionary. I WANTED to be the one to go to Africa; I WANTED to be the one in India. I believe that God has placed this desire in my heart because He wants to use me for something. I do not know what that is, I just know that at the right time I will know and until then I must learn and grow in the ways of the Lord. I believe that one of those ways is to be involved with an amazing organization called YWAM (Youth with a Mission). This organization basically teaches and trains you to be a missionary. I have applied and been accepted to go with them and learn in one of my FAVORITE countries in the world, Nicaragua. I will be traveling down in January and my last day there is July 5th.
I am writing this to ask if you would be willing to support me in a couple of ways. PRAYER being the top and most important. Nicaragua is a beautiful country filled with great people, but I have been to places that are very dark, and I have found that my spirit is very sensitive to that. I ask for prayer in strength, wisdom and boldness when I need them. Pray for the times of loneliness that I may encounter, as well as for a spirit of teachability as I can be a very strongwilled person! The second way is almost as important in that I will need to depend on God to show up through other people for a financial need that I will have.

We in Canada and all of North America have been MORE than blessed as a people and country and God expects us to be a blessing to those around us. I know that I have been called to travel abroad, but I pray that everyone will find their place in His will. Weather it be to GO and be a blessing in another nation or to be on the front lines here as a prayer warrior or by helping financially a missionary that you feel strongly in. Whatever it may be I know that God WILL bless you because you know what is important in life and that by obeying God you are doing what He has asked of us. Thanks to you my friends for EVERYTHING!!

NOVEMBER 5 2008

The time is drawing close and yet again I am feeling a little uprepared though trying to be in prayer about all things out of my hands. God is in control and that I have to remember all the time. Not that I should laze back and let him do everything, I have to do my part in it but know when it is my part and when to give control to Him =) I am needing to raise about 4000$ for the next 6 months so please be in prayer with me as I depend on God to get me what I need and for me to be a good steward of the money that comes to me. Use it for things that are NEEDS and not just WANTS.

So....starting again but not erasing the old ones =) I am in the midst of writting my letter that I will be giving out to people if they are interested in my YWAM trip!I am hopefully going to be down there in January for 6months! That is all I am going to write for now. Couldn't get the date at the top so today is October 26 2008.