December 31 2008

I KNOW WHAT IT IS!!! It is not fear that I am feeling, it is sadness!! Not that that is a good thing but at least I know what it is. A sadness of leaving certain people behind, namely my sister! It is a sadness that I have been able to push aside for this long and when I have gone away before know that it will not be long before I get back so do not need to feel sad about missing her. I was thinking about her last night and how much closer we have become in the last year or so and that is when it hit me like a ton of bricks, how much I will miss her!! I cried so hard that I thought I was going to be sick....I do not know what to do with this as I am not used to getting this feeling. It doesn't make it any easier but I know that I will be praying my guts out for her while I am gone. I just want so much more for her, and well....that's all I have to say on that =)

So 13 more days and I will be gone! I am excited to be there to experience new things to learn all that God has for me, to meet new people and the weather helps too =Þ The temperature in Nicaragua right now is 32C ahhhhhh can't wait!

December 29 2008

The time is getting so close for me to be going to Nicaragua....and the fear is now starting to creep in. As much as I am excited to be going to an AMAZING country, I am having a bit of second thoughts and may not be as strong as some people think I am. My first instinct is to call up YWAM and back out, but know in my heart, soul and ENTIRE BEING that that is not what God has planned for me. James 4 17 says: Remember, it is a sin to know what you ought to do and then not do it. I was up really early this morning after dreaming all night about things that have to do with preparing or doing before I leave. I got up and went downstairs and watched Kung Fu Panda. I am feeling a bit like Po right now, he just wants to be someone great and aspires to get there by dreaming and imagining himself as a Kung Fu master, but he is just a tubby little panda with a soft heart and a father who wants him to run a family noodle shop that has been passed down through generations. He is then chosen as one who will change the city and all of china. I am feeling like I know that God has big plans for me and I aspire to be like Him and others who have gone out before, but I feel like a tubby little panda who knows nothing and just has a hard time fitting the profile, of being someone great in the eyes of God. I am not really afraid of the unknown, I think it is more the fear of failing, not people as much as God. Well I think that is all to be said for now, until next time.

December 18 2008

Oh my goodness I can not believe that it has been so long since I have written here last. I have been wanting to but am really good at procrastinating!! =) I am starting to get a little afraid of going to Nicaragua. I am not sure at all what the fear is. I have been to Nicaragua before so I am not afraid of being there, I LOVE the people and am not afraid of them,....maybe a little of what is unknown, though I thrive on spontonaity and I like change, and NEED it most of the time. I may just be working myself up over nothing too but just can not shake the feeling. I know this one is short but I must go out for a bit today....hopefully my next blog I won't wait as long in between! hehe

So please be praying for me as I finish well here before I leave...thanks!